For about three days, I’ve cut off communication with most of the people in my life. There were certain things I want to contemplate by myself, and I know it would not help if people will keep on asking things to me while contemplating.
At the start of the mute days, I cried like how I did during college days—loud, ugly-faced, and dehydrating for about 7 minutes. I slept with tears in my eyes and grand headache. I was really broken.
So why did I really feel so bad?
When you’ve poured yourself over something you really cared about, nothing can flip you out of the game no matter how fucking bad the environment is. That’s what, I think, a genuine love is. You go through every battle, suck in all situations, consort with people… and don’t, above it all, ask for anything in return.
But despite all the efforts, care, and understanding, you will never ever get the approval of every single person involved. It was never my goal, actually. My goal is to make most of my skills and further that something.
Well, everything has an end, really.
It was not that I can’t go on anymore, I don’t really back down that easily. But it’s the people who made me step back and care less. It was not said to my face directly, but the way they act towards their responsibilities did. It has been going on for years already, but because I love the club so much, I didn’t mind and I just continued to do my best. But not everyone is cooperative.
Sometimes, no matter how you love someone/something, it will never be enough. And you have no other choice but to let go.