I’ve been avoiding social media for a week now. There are some things I don’t want to be updated with. Including my friends’ conversations. Have you ever felt so hurt because of caring too much? That’s how I feel towards some of my friends right now. I didn’t know that even with friendship, people can hurt you so bad. I thought they’d always be my happy pill even if the world seems so bad.

Well, everything changes when you expect too much of other people no matter who they are.

Why are we expecting to begin with? It’s not like people can make things come true for you.

I think it’s just a natural attitude doing so. But what’s dangerous is when you expect someone of something just as much as your capability of doing things for them.

For example, you always make time for you friends. Thus, you also expect your friends to make time as well. When they don’t, it kinda sucks for you.

But how about friends who do not make proper time for you for a long time already because of other friends/commitments/activities/whatnot? Other ‘something else’ are okay; we all have other things, right? But, you know the feeling when a person doesn’t make time for you anymore and it looks like they are happier with someone else’s company? I’m not being selfish or anything. I think I might just be jealous or something. Because no matter how many things I have in my plate, I still manage to keep everything attended.

So… That’s my problem.

Once I start caring about something or someone, it’s an all-out. What’s-mine-is-yours type of logic. I care about you so I make time for you. Easy as that. And because I can make time for you, I’m sure you can give time to me, too. Now, ladies and gents, that’s an expectation that will change things. Not necessarily good or bad.

You care too much, you get hurt. You expect good outcome, you get hurt.

So why can I just stop caring too much and lessen the hurt? It’s a shame, huh? When you have poured everything, but still won’t suffice. So how deep is your vessel that despite how much I can give, I still can’t fill it up?

They say love is not expecting anything in return. So does it mean that expecting things in return is not love? Well, I am human with lots of feelings, but I don’t have answer for that. Go fuck yourself.

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